New Year's Resolution

I've seen a lot of people (including myself) making and then failing to keep their new year's resolutions. All the blabber about loosing weight, living healthy, exercising and stuff. And I thought to myself: why would you make yourself a promise that you know you won't keep. All the worrying about how it's gonna be different next year, trying to keep up with the schedule and finally failing after two weeks or even quicker. And the fact that you made not one but a few resolutions and failed all of them makes you feel even worse. 

So I came up with a plan. This year I'm making only one resolution and it definitely won't include any weight loss, diet changes or increase of physical activity more than needed. This year I'll make my dream come true. I will live my dream. By this I mean visiting other countries, maybe starting my studies, learning new languages, meeting new people. The last thing is the most significant. 

For the past six months there were about five people that were around me. Sad, right? And the fact that four of them are my family makes it even sadder. I am a person who needs changes, I get bored quite easily and I need a group of people who are as spontaneous and weird as me. Or even weirder and more spontaneous. I need people who understands what it's like to feel the loneliest person in the world and who are brave enough to change that about themselves. I need friends. 

I used to think that I won't feel lonely without anyone in my life(now that I think of it, I'm not the brightest), that being loner would mean inner peace, no need to worry about the others, no break-ups and no heartbreaks. Now after six months of loneliness I realised that being with no-one makes you no-one. There's nobody to notice your victories and comfort you on your failures, no-one to be weird together, to be happy, sad, goofy or serious with. I actually thought that one can live without anyone. And now I'm glad to realize that you need someone in order to live.

So in 2014 I am going to find at least one good friend to share my weirdness and to accept his or hers!

~Weirdode

Drunk

First of all I'd like to mention that some cocktails have influenced this post but I don't encourage you to go and get drunk or anything. It's just my drunk ideas finding their way out. 
Now to the point: as my experience shows, drunk people actually feels happier.
 Somehow I get really annoyed with drunk people when they are around me. Maybe it happens just for me but they seem to be a little dumber than sober ones and more ignorant, but when you become the one who has been drunk you realize that the ignorance makes you happier. Just like being high(I've never been on drugs except from prescription medicine or alcohol so it's just the assumption), being drunk lets you feel a little more free. You stop worrying about what others think, you somehow concentrate on your own mind and ideas. And the best part is that it's temporary. Imagine if you would feel that way all the time. Personally I would go crazy. At first sight it seems right, but when you think about it, you can go crazy. Ignorance means you not only stop caring about others' opinion but about others overall. Ignorance is as dangerous as medicine: a little of it will cure you but the overdose might kill you. And somehow I've just came with the conclusion that a lot of people are drunk a.k.a ignorant not only to their loved ones but to the world. 
Maybe next time I'll continue on this topic but tonight I've might done too deep and the amount of alcohol in my blood is not enough to go that path.
~Your usually-not-drunk Weirdode

Christmas overview

I made sort of list about my Christmas. That is my notifications, experiences etc.

• Fist of all Christmas shopping is SO stressful. Personally I stress about whether the person's gonna like the gift or not, is it too much or too little for a gift, maybe he or she will get the wrong idea about the gift and so on. And If you're lucky like me, you always get the same person while randomly picking a name from a pile of other names EVEN IF YOU GO FIRST! I don't mind buying gift each year for the same person, but trust me, after five years you run out of ideas. 
• Other thing that bothers me is decorating. Yes, I agree that Christmas decorations look extremely festive and cute, but in a 7 square meters area there's a really thin line between underdone and overdone. My current Christmas tree is the size of a human palm, the mini bauble is the top and some old thin garlands are the only decorations. I tried to hanging lighting garland but the power was overwhelming and hurting my eyes so currently no lights in my room. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ELSE CAN I DO! 
• The main thing during Christmas has to be food. I feel that Christmas is the only time of the year when there's the best food EVERYWHERE. And you never know your limit of food you can eat. The only person who can know that is your grandmother. And that limit is endless. You can eat a whole cow and she will definitely offer you a desert. And that's why I love my grandmother.

Well, that's it for the day!

~Weirdode

Friendship

The definition of friendship is quite wide. Some say it 'can best be thought of as two people side by side looking forward toward a common goal.' Others  think that 'Friendship is a personal relationship shared between each friend for the welfare of each other, in other words, it is a relationship of trust, faith and concern for each others feelings.' But every individual has it's own definition.
As I am the luckiest girl alive, I happen to surround myself with people that define friendship in a very different way. It should be obvious that friends are important to each other, especially close friends. But when you've been taking care of your friends like your family, comfort them on their ups and downs and on your birthday you don't even get a card or a text saying 'Happy birthday!' you get concerned. Yes, I'm taking about my personal experience. At first I thought I was getting a surprise party or something, but after the weekend I realised - none of my friends are going to do anything. From that point I started feeling like the most miserable and lonely person on this planet. Last year, when I did a party, everyone somehow knew about the date, but this year no-one cared and the confrontation confirmed that. According to one of my friends it's my fault. My and the upcoming exams. Thank God I had enough self respect to never talk to them again.
So thanks to the clique of my former best friends I'm feeling like I'm standing in a crowded room screaming from the bottom of my lungs and no-one can hear me. Now I have social anxiety and no-one to talk to except my family, myself and this blog.  
Do I look miserable enough to you? Yes? Good. No? Also good. Why? Because this experience made me stop caring about people that are  not related, about strangers. That's what some friendships do to you. They should make you happy but instead they slowly kills you inside.
I hope at least you have better friends than I had.
~Your loneliest Weirdode in the world

Career

Today I've decided to rant about professions and creativity. The thing is that when I tell someone that I plan to study fashion design, they instantly start calling me designer. And I'm like 'Whaaa?? You think I'd sit here talking to you if I was a fashion designer??? I'd travel the world looking for fascinating experiences that would inspire me rather than sitting and talking to someone.' I don't even like being called a designer and I won't even when I'll finish my studies. Why? Because it shortens others view to you. I'm no designer, nor I'll ever be. I'm a creator who likes to express my thoughts through my work, my creations. And calling yourself a designer is even worse. It's like 'Ooo, look at me! I'm a Fashion Designer!' or 'ooo, look at me! Such artist! Wow!' That's not how you do arts. You need to show who you are rather than calling yourself something your not. Cause if it works that way, then maybe I'll call Jamie Campbell Bower my boyfriend and he'll instantly become one.THAT'S NOT HOW THINGS WORK!
On the other topic, I've heard that if you're not afraid of your dreams, you're not dreaming big enough. But if my dream is not that big but I'm terrified of it, is it good or bad? I know that designer career is not the most secure one but I don't want waste my time on something I'm not interested in. Well, I'm not one of those who follows fashion blindly and my most worn clothing piece is sweatshirt but I want to create fashion, to set trends, not follow them. I'm not a great leader when it comes to team work, but it's just because the task of the team is not in my field. But with fashion I like being weird, I like challenge myself with difficulties and others with my weirdness.
Well, that's all for today!
~Weirdode

My attempt to introduction

Well hello there! 

I'm here to share my not-so-normal life with people of the international web. I've been living in a small 7 square meters room (no, it's not a prison cell, I'm pretty sure those are bigger) for quite a while and I feel like I need to express myself into the wilderness of the world without getting out because, you know, people and stuff are outside. And I much prefer to stay away from as many of them as possible since I have a slight trust issue.

 Anyway, this blog will be like a diary so I can assure you there WILL be some whining about my forever-alone condition and stuff like that.I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about exactly, but I'll do my best to whine and entertain at the same time. OK, let's not get too heavy with the first impression.

 ~your not-yet-favourite Weirdode